Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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