hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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