my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
