So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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