dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
