If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.