As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.