are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
