Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
