I met the friendliest cop last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
