Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
