Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
