No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
