first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
