thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Randomize
