So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
