I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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