I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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