So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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