Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
