First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
