Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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