So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
sex in a hospital.. check
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
