I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
