Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
