I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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