I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
