Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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