it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
