Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
