Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
