Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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