but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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