I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
