So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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