By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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