Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
