and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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