"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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