The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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