no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
