Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
