I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
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I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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