I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish I only lived at night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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