She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
