Im at strip club and am horny
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
