Fuck appropriateness.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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