I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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