I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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