I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
