No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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