im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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