Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
