How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
how drunk are you?
Several
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
