Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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