y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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