Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
