they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
