I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
