i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
