Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
