I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
