I would go down on you faster than GM stock
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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