Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
