Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
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Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
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a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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