I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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