My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
