Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
