I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
