I wish I could punch you in the face.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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