Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
