Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
