Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
