so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
