she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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