So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
