You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The struggles of a small town man whore
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
