a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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