Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
