I met the friendliest cop last night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
